MY STORY

From an Inner Pause
to the Fullness of Being

Before Paradise Palette existed, there was a quiet search.
It was the kind of search in which God was searching for me.

“I revealed Myself to those who did not ask for Me;
I was found by those who did not seek Me.”
— Isaiah 65:1

INTRODUCTION

A Story of Being Found

Often, a person believes they are searching for God.
But then comes a moment of awakening, and you realize — all along, it was God searching for you.
This is a story about how God finds a person again and again — through a quiet inner call, through the faithfulness and tenderness of His touch.

CHAPTER 1

When I First Heard My Name

Even as a child, I sensed that Someone knew my name before I fully knew Him.

Even as a child, when I was about five or six years old, I saw Jesus.

Later, between the ages of eight and twelve, I began hearing someone call my name. The voice was deeply familiar and close. It happened more than once, and each time I hurried to my mother, certain it was her calling me.

I searched for her again and again, asking why she had called my name.

Years later, when I was twenty, I heard the same voice once more.

This time, it seemed to come from high above — from the tall poplar trees surrounding the courtyard where we lived.

The voice was the same.

Near. Familiar. Alive.

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CHAPTER 2

Tabernacles of Prayer

I called my places of prayer “tabernacles.”
Each one became a quiet place of meeting with God.

In 1986, we moved to Latvia. My sister and I began living together in a new place.

Alongside church gatherings, youth meetings, ministries, and even night prayers, we deeply loved praying at home.

Together, we practiced waking up at three in the morning specifically to pray.

During those prayers, we experienced something so beautiful and alive that it captivated us completely. We longed to return to it again and again.

Later, my sister got married, and I began living with a friend.

I loved solitude.
I loved prayer.

I called my places of prayer “tabernacles.”

I had many of them — in the city, in parks, and deep in the forest.

Each one became a sacred place of meeting with God.

Even when life became full and busy, there was always a place for Him within me, and somewhere deep inside remained a quiet fear of losing His closeness.

One day, after I was married, I noticed that I was spending less and less time in prayer.
I remember pleading with the Lord:

“Please, if I ever lose You, find me.

Do not allow me to drift so far away that I lose sight of You.

I cannot live without You.”

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CHAPTER 3

The Inner Call

Somewhere beneath ordinary life, I began hearing a quiet call back to Him.

Around 2017, while living in California, deeply immersed in family life and church activities, I began sensing an inner call.

At first, I did not understand what it was.

I had completely forgotten the closeness I once knew with Him in my youth.
Yet something inside me kept pulling me toward God again.

Inside, I sensed only a hint:

a prayer room

I thought there must be some place I needed to find in order to draw closer to the One who was calling me.

I searched online.
I visited different prayer gatherings throughout the city.

But none of them felt like the place my heart was searching for.

Something deeper was still calling me.

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CHAPTER 4

The Prayer Room

The answer came unexpectedly — at the exact moment my longing became undeniable.

Two more years passed.

The inner pull toward God would not leave me alone.
I knew I needed something more than simply hearing about Him.

One day in 2019, I told myself:

I must deal with this.

Again, I searched online for a prayer room, still not fully understanding what or where it was supposed to be.

I found nothing except a Korean prayer mountain near Santa Cruz.

Feeling frustrated, I lay on my bed thinking about how deeply I truly desired God.
I remember telling myself:

As long as a person is alive, if they truly desire something with all their heart, they will eventually find it.

Then, within minutes, the phone rang.
It was my niece.

She told me we could not meet the next day because her friend was going to a prayer room.
I could not stop laughing.

After all those years of searching, the answer came so unexpectedly that I did not know whether I was laughing or crying.

That was the beginning of everything changing.

He called me.
And I ran after Him.

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CHAPTER 5

Paradise Palette

My days and nights slowly became filled with color, presence, and the living nearness of God.

Since then, everything has changed.

He called me, and I ran after Him.

I realized He had kept the promise I once asked of Him years before — that if I ever lost Him, He would find me again.

Now these years have become the happiest and most meaningful of my life.

I found myself in the hands of the Artist —

surrounded by a Paradise Palette of every shade and hue.

My days and nights became filled with color.

I began recording every dream, revelation, experience, and whisper that came into my life.

I realized that a person can never truly carry more than they receive.
So I treasured everything I was given.

The most precious part of every revelation, dream, and experience was never the experience itself.

It was Him.

His presence became more beautiful than every spiritual moment surrounding it.
Life on earth is a gift.

And perhaps some of the deepest treasures within us can only be revealed through the journey we walk here.

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Abiding in the quietness of His presence.

— Ellen Rabov
Paradise Palette